Common online and in-person advice encourages women to be kind of passive when it comes to the "texting game. Another bit of prevalent and inane advice recommends waiting before responding to texts. Just because he didn't text you back for a few hours doesn't mean you need to wait for the same amount of time before you respond. The advice for guys is the same!
Online Dating? That First Message a Guy Sends is Everything
Go online and have a look around for dating advice geared toward males. Men are encouraged just as much as women to feign disinterest and wait until the other party "chases" them.
We've turned into a society of people who are too afraid to show interest in each other. Both men and women might think that they're "playing the game," but this is what's really happening:. Oh my gosh, I really like him, but I don't want to seem like I like him too much. It'll make me look bad, like I'm less of a prize.
It'll make him think that other men aren't competing for my attention and that I'm desperate for him. This will make him not respect me. Let me just wait by the phone and pretend I'm only casually interested. Hm, she seemed really interesting and I'm really attracted to her, but I don't want to seem like I'm one of those guys who doesn't have other girls lined up.
Women like it when guys act aloof, right? Let me wait by the phone and see if she gets back to me first. And this is how two people who like each other hide their real feelings instead of being upfront. Why do people feel the intense need to hide these positive feelings, though? What's with the paranoia about seeming "too desperate"?
A human being will use any excuse to protect his or her ego from social annihilation. You can rationalize it all you want, but at the end of the day, you are afraid of rejection. You don't want to look bad. You don't want to seem like you don't have other options. You don't want to build the other person up too much by admitting that you like them. You want the other person to view you in a certain light more than you want an honest connection.
Now, is there such a thing as coming on too strong? There are legitimately creepy things that you can do to seem genuinely desperate—but texting a guy first is not one of them. All you're doing is sending a text message.
8 Reasons to Text Him First
It's not like you're climbing into his window in the middle of the night depositing rose petals all over his bed while he's sleeping. As long as you're not doing anything weird like that, there are plenty of great reasons why you should text him first. Get to know the difference between someone who frees up their time to talk to you and someone who only talks to you in their free time. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.
How to Write Your First Online Dating Message
I wouldn't think texting would be a bother, since he can just answer when he wants, right? Probably you can just avoid calling him or showing up all of a sudden without texting him first to confirm a specific time. I usually text first then he takes like 2 hours to text me back! Women will never be equal to men in the dating world until they stop worrying about what men think. The only other advice I give to people is don't become overly emotionally invested after a single date.
One of the reasons why people are so hung up on terms like "ghosting", "benching", and "breadcrumbing" is because they emotionally invest in people too quickly. They're choosing to be a passenger instead of a driver. Last but not least an early rejection saves everyone time. Ultimately a rejection simply means: Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
When not to text him first. When and when not to message him first on social media. What is the "waiting game," and why is it a bad idea? Is sending the first text coming on too strong? It will make honesty the policy right from the get-go.
You will show courage and confidence. Your date may not be good at taking hints. He might be waiting for you to text him first.
You'll take control instead of sitting idly by. You'll spend less time stressing and more time enjoying each other.
Your interest in each other won't last forever. It can be a turn-on. You Are Displaying Courage and Confidence Want to demonstrate that you're different from other women right off the bat?
Men Tell Us What They Want to See in a Dating Message
There are plenty of reasons why a great guy might be hesitant to text you first. If that's what you want, then great. But don't complain if your relationships go nowhere. Are you willing to text a guy first? Depends on how attractive he is.
Instead of texting him "hey," try to come up with an opener that will actually create the possibility of a good back-and-forth. Show him you have a life. Sending a subtle reminder that you've got a life and an awesome one, at that is never a bad idea. For example, send a picture from a concert you went to or a meal you think he'd like so that he knows you're thinking of him without just waiting around for him. Plus, this will open the door for you two to have a real dialogue.
Believe it or not, men listed sharing something about yourself as one of the top ways to break the ice while online dating. You may be surprised how easy it is to get thing rolling. Megan Murray is the Editor-in-Chief of The Date Mix and works at the online dating site and app Zoosk, that has over 40 million members worldwide. She splits her time between writing for The Date Mix and working on the Zoosk product, which gives her behind-the-scenes knowledge about the world of online dating. Elevate your love life with practical dating advice delivered right to your inbox.
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